Are you tired of swiping on dating apps and wasting your time talking to people who really aren’t all that serious about finding true love?
Maybe you’re feeling so frustrated by all of the dead-end dates and conversations that feel more like an interview than connection that you just want to give up on finding love entirely!
I hear you, and I see you because I’ve been there myself!
The good news? I’m now married to the man of my dreams, and I actually met him on Tinder in Croatia of all places!?
What worked for me? After lots of my own dead-end dates, I realized I had to focus on loving myself and healing from my past relationships if I wanted to find true love.
I had to stop searching for my love, and instead start loving the person I was already with – me!
This may sound counter-intuitive, but the best way to find true love is through self-love.
So how do you get started? What does it mean to manifest love through self-love?
Here are the 8 things I did to love myself so I could finally attract my true love:
1. Focus on you first.
It may feel counterintuitive or even selfish to focus on yourself when what you’re really and truly desiring is a partner to share your life with, but hear me out.
If you’re not happy by yourself doing your own thing, no one else will be able to make you happy either.
Besides isn’t it a bit unfair to put the expectation on someone else to make you happy, and vice versa?
If you want to attract an emotionally healthy partner (who is ready for the real deal), you must be willing to care of yourself and your own needs first.
You must work on feeling lovable, enough, and worthy on your own without needing someone else to validate that for you.
Maybe that’s hard to imagine right now, but trust me on this one. The type of person you’ll attract when feeling worthy and lovable will be a much better match for you than the person you attract when you’re feeling desperate and needy for attention and love.
A great way to start your self-love journey is to work through my self-love workbook, You Woke Up Worthy: A 21-Day Self-Love Journey for Women with Big Dreams.
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2. Figure out what you want and need in a partner.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably not looking for your next fling. You want the real deal. Lasting love. Your soulmate partner.
Getting crystal clear on the traits and characteristics you desire in a partner will help you be a bit more discerning on who you allow into your life.
Sometimes when you are desperate to find love you can end up settling for less than you deserve. Even worse, you may even ignore major red flags because the attention you’re getting feels so good.
That’s why I started with step #1. It’s making sense now, right?
Please know this: You don’t have to settle. You can absolutely attract the right person for you.
However, don’t be afraid to be flexible on some things that really don’t matter at the end of the day (like hair and eye color, height, etc.).
The most important things to consider when making your list of desired traits in a partner are:
- personality traits (kind, patient, compassionate, funny, serious, playful, strong, charming, silly, intelligent, creative, assertive, etc.)
- wanting the same things in life (do they want children? marriage? travel? success? what do they value? what lifestyle do they want to live? etc.)
- how you wish to be treated (mutual respect, great communication skills, specific, loving behaviors that you desire, etc.)
I always end my list with the phrase “this or something better,” because sometimes what we think we want is not as good as it gets. Sometimes we don’t even know what we really need until we meet the right person.
3. Give yourself time and space to grieve and heal from old loves.
This one is a bit of a doozy, I know.
But here’s the deal: You deserve this space to grieve what you feel like you’ve lost. There’s no shame in a broken heart. It’s safe to feel sad and angry and even resentful at what happened in past relationships.
It can be difficult to move forward and attract the right person when you’re still holding onto an old love. To be clear: You don’t have to 100% delete that person from your memories and your heart to do this successfully.
Some people will always have a small space in your heart, and that’s okay. What I’m talking about here is getting closure on why the relationship had to end, and understanding both your roles in the breakup.
It’s being willing to learn from the past so you don’t have to repeat it again in the future. If you notice there are repeating patterns or that you tend to date the same types of people over and over without realizing it, that’s a sign you have some healing to do.
One of the books that really helped me as I was working through this was The Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford. Arielle shares several meditations and healing exercises to help you let go of old loves and move forward with your life.
4. Decide to let go of the past and move forward.
It’s one thing to grieve an old love and another thing entirely to actually make the firm decision to let go and move on.
When you decide (meaning “to cut off” in Latin), you no longer live in a space of “what could be or could have been.”
You know that living in the past will not serve you, and it will not bring you any closer to the love and partnership you deserve.
Making a decision to move forward is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.
A former mentor of mine used to always say, “indecision is the most painful space to be in.” It’s so true. For as long as you have one foot in and one foot out of the past, you’ll have a difficult time finding true, lasting love.
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Free Self-Love Resources:
5. Date yourself.
You don’t have to wait for someone else to wine and dine you. You can totally “treat yo’self.”
Dating yourself can look like:
- buying yourself flowers just because
- taking yourself out to a nice dinner
- setting the table, eating on your nice plates, and lighting a candle at dinner
- a spa night at home
- taking yourself out to the new movie you really wanna see
- putting love notes to yourself around the house
- doing those little things for yourself that you’d do for your partner just because
When you cherish and love on yourself, your entire energy shifts and you become a magnet for love. Plus it feels so good to take care of you!
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6. Create and hold space for your partner.
The quickest way to manifest the love of your life? Create space for him or her in your life right now. Act as if he/she is already here.
When you do this, you send the message out to the Universe (and to your subconscious mind) that you’re ready to meet your match. You’re again becoming a magnet for the right person and letting them know you’re ready for them to enter your life.
Some fun ways to do this:
- Set a daily reminder/alarm in your phone that says something like, “I’m so happy and grateful now that I’ve met my soulmate.” (personalize this so it feels even more powerful for you)
- Visualize your partner in your life. For example, I used to imagine I was cooking or doing dishes and my partner would come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist and kiss my neck. Doing that made me feel like he was on his way to me. It also made me feel excited and happy.
- Clean out your closet and nightstand and other common areas where you’d share space and make sure there is room for them there.
- Get rid of anything that was given to you by an ex-partner. Definitely ditch anything that belonged to an ex!
- Connect with a friend or hire a love coach you trust and share with them the vision of the person you’re attracting into your life.
- Write letters to your soulmate and talk to him/her as if they were already in your life.
7. Affirm daily and believe that “S(he)’s looking for me too.”
This affirmation gave me so much strength and hope when I was attracting my now husband, Ivan. Sometimes when you’re dating it can feel a bit frustrating like you’ll never find your person, but it helps to remind yourself that they are looking for you, too.
You are NOT in this alone.
Every step you take towards loving yourself more and putting yourself out there to meet him or her is also bringing them one step closer towards you.
8. Live your life to the fullest until your partner appears.
I know how easy it can be to fall into the trap of thinking that your life is on hold until your partner shows up, but your life is happening right now.
The best way to attract your soulmate to you is to live your best life and do what makes you happy.
When you are happy and lit up about your life, you make it so much easier for him or her to find you.
Here are some ideas on what you can do to create your best life while you relish in the waiting period:
- take a class on something you’ve been wanting to learn
- start a new hobby or interest
- go do the things you’d do on weekends if you already had a partner (hiking, picnics, attending festivals/concerts, road trips, etc.)
- do something you’re passionate about (volunteering, start/grow your own business, travel, write a book, etc.)
- nurture current relationships and/or make new ones!
- focus on your health and wellbeing (self-care yass!)
To wrap it all up…
The best way to find true love is through self-love. When you first focus on loving yourself and making yourself happy, you become a magnet for the right person to show up in your life. You also stop settling for less than you truly desire and deserve.
Besides, who better to know how to treat you than you!? If you love yourself, you’ll only allow incredible people who treat you right into your life. This will not only impact your ability to attract true love, but it will also have a positive effect on your entire life.
Above all, please know this: your person is out there. Remember, they are looking for you too
I’d love to know: Which of these tips do you plan on applying to your dating journey? What would you add to this list? Oh and anyone have a juicy love story you wanna share with us? Let’s have a conversation in the comments! I love connecting with my readers <3
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